what the hell should i do. im so lost. school doesnt even feel like school anymore. it was fun at first but now its just another chore. i need to be here then i need to be there. its a constant thing for me. i hate it. i want to cut something out but nothing ever will work out anymore. i dont want to be a complete square so i try to keep myself busy.
i wish someone would actually talk to me. like talk talk. i havent had a deep conversation in hella days where someone can just be real with me without having to fight about anything or bring something up that will make me upset. i just want to have a non-b.s. conversation.
i feel so stupid now to think and actually believe that my girlfriend would tell me everything. the ONE person in my life that i felt would go to me no matter what and see me as their escape doesnt really see me that way. she doesnt give me those txts in the morning anymore that i can wake up to and smile. she doesnt call me randomly anymore like she used to. she doesnt even tell me how she feels anymore. in the entire 11 months and 1 day of being with her i have not once gotten a call or text from her telling me shes crying and shes feeling down. does that make me a bad boyfriend? does that mean she isnt as comfortable with me as she says she is? does that mean she goes to someone else for comfort? just once id like to get a call where she can tell me everything that is on her mind and how shes feeling. i want that. im waiting for that call. maybe one day we'll be at the point where nothing else matters and im the one who is loved more than anybody else in her life. maybe im selfish. i dont know. i just want to be special enough to her so that she will come to me for literally anything. i want her to ask me to buy her stuff. i want her to complain to me about small things. i want her to run to me when something is wrong. i want her to interrupt my conversations with people by giving me random calls. i want her to wake me up in the middle of the night when she cant sleep. i want her to surprise me with anything. surprise me with a small gift. surprise me with a picture of her. surprise me with anything. i know i ask for a lot but its nothing really big i dont think. what i want the most are conversations. i want to know EVERYTHING. just as we had agreed. we agreed to be completely honest and tell each other everything. not just the important things but also the small details on a daily basis. i want to be your all. i just wish youd let me be that for you.
i dont know what else to say. i highly doubt this will be read by her but i guess thats okay. shes busy with her own stuff to do. shes currently teaching me how to prioritize so yeah. i understand if my feelings arent her priority. im kinda used to thinking to myself. thank whoever created blogs. this is currently my only way to vent. i dont have anyone to talk to anymore without being judged.
im sad. im not gonna lie. i was scolded earlier for saving money to buy them something they really wanted and i wanted to pay them back for helping me in so many ways. im sorry for putting you before me. thats how much i love you.
school soon. late. *whoever took the time to read this, Thank You.
i wish someone would actually talk to me. like talk talk. i havent had a deep conversation in hella days where someone can just be real with me without having to fight about anything or bring something up that will make me upset. i just want to have a non-b.s. conversation.
i feel so stupid now to think and actually believe that my girlfriend would tell me everything. the ONE person in my life that i felt would go to me no matter what and see me as their escape doesnt really see me that way. she doesnt give me those txts in the morning anymore that i can wake up to and smile. she doesnt call me randomly anymore like she used to. she doesnt even tell me how she feels anymore. in the entire 11 months and 1 day of being with her i have not once gotten a call or text from her telling me shes crying and shes feeling down. does that make me a bad boyfriend? does that mean she isnt as comfortable with me as she says she is? does that mean she goes to someone else for comfort? just once id like to get a call where she can tell me everything that is on her mind and how shes feeling. i want that. im waiting for that call. maybe one day we'll be at the point where nothing else matters and im the one who is loved more than anybody else in her life. maybe im selfish. i dont know. i just want to be special enough to her so that she will come to me for literally anything. i want her to ask me to buy her stuff. i want her to complain to me about small things. i want her to run to me when something is wrong. i want her to interrupt my conversations with people by giving me random calls. i want her to wake me up in the middle of the night when she cant sleep. i want her to surprise me with anything. surprise me with a small gift. surprise me with a picture of her. surprise me with anything. i know i ask for a lot but its nothing really big i dont think. what i want the most are conversations. i want to know EVERYTHING. just as we had agreed. we agreed to be completely honest and tell each other everything. not just the important things but also the small details on a daily basis. i want to be your all. i just wish youd let me be that for you.
i dont know what else to say. i highly doubt this will be read by her but i guess thats okay. shes busy with her own stuff to do. shes currently teaching me how to prioritize so yeah. i understand if my feelings arent her priority. im kinda used to thinking to myself. thank whoever created blogs. this is currently my only way to vent. i dont have anyone to talk to anymore without being judged.
im sad. im not gonna lie. i was scolded earlier for saving money to buy them something they really wanted and i wanted to pay them back for helping me in so many ways. im sorry for putting you before me. thats how much i love you.
school soon. late. *whoever took the time to read this, Thank You.